Sunday, 23 August 2015

The written word

Welcome to my blog

If you've come here then there's a damn good chance you know roughly who I am, probably by following me on youtube, possibly all the way back from Instagram. If so, then well done you, I find it difficult sticking around me for a few minutes so the fact that some of you have stuck around me for  a few years is slightly baffling!

So Charlotte, (yes I'm going to talk third person here) you've done the photo blog thing, you have a youtube channel, why a blog? 
Well Charlotte (still 3rd person there isn't a 4th me coming out, she's tucked away for special occasions) as you may know as you are essentially me, you/i/we struggle with seeing ourselves on camera but you/i/we have so much to say that I thought a logical step to take would be to start a blog for all of the word vomit I have that I can't get on camera...

 So there it is essentially, my reason for attempting to blog, and it's not as if I haven't thought about it before I've started and failed at various types of blogs before but goddammit it's so fucking confusing, the templates,  the layouts, the STUFF.
  I'm a perfectionist, with music, editing and videos I can kind of know what I'm doing and even though I'm never 100% happy with what I've created at least I can put it out there knowing I'm somewhat OK/proud (if not it doesn't make it out there as the dozens of videos that get the right click, delete treatment will attest to).
But blogging is a whole new world of HTML and coding and urghhhhhhhh why can't I just drag and drop and it look how I want it to look in my fucking head?
Writing music to me comes like that, the lyrics literally flow of my brain and onto the paper in a steady stream. Most of my albums lyrics were written all in one go
Lyrics to a song I wrote (when I was 11)
 that made it on to the album pretty much unscathed/unedited
Yes I had to edit things down when it came to recording vocals as my lyrics were very emotional and sometimes I had too many words to fit in with the music I'd written...and not at ALL because some of the songs (that didn't make it on to the final album when I wrote what a small dick my ex boyfriend had) realising that I had world class musicians coming in to 
play on that song and I had to hear me sing the word dick over and over again
I realised I’d rather change the lyrics than sit there whining over a loudspeaker about men, in a room full of musicians, all of them men..... 

So should I apologise for feeling I'm over saturating you with my rambling, not really saying much but managing not do so in far too many words? Well no. Why? 2 reasons first because I don't ever apologise, sorry, not sorry. First I don't believe in apologising if what you're saying is true honest and especially when you've spent your whole life apologising for being who you are and second this is a chance for me to talk slightly more freely and unedited (i.e rambly) and regularly as I won't have the worry of what I look like on screen as I can just open up my computer and write.

Oh Charlotte that could be very dangerous don't you remember instagram?
 Yes Charlotte (back to third person again) I'm aware that having the ability to just write my feelings thoughts emotions and opinions down and publish at my whim could be dangerous but it's liberating and first and foremost it's supposed to be educating...

Although that's not all this blog or I'm about. Yes the majority of what I say is about educating about the unknown dangers of eating disorders, to break down the stigma surrounding mental illnesses  and there's still so much to talk about, so much I haven't been able to update you on in regard to my physical and mental state, that I can write about here. although that's me presuming anyone's interested.
But this blog I hope is for anyone. It's not just a mental health blog. It's not just about mental illness. That's where a lot of my passion lies as I feel so let down by the support and help for it in this and other countries (from what I hear). But let this blog be a stepping stone into the very kaleidoscopic, fucked up possibly insightful, definitely interesting mind of me.
 It's also an outlet for me in a world where very few people actually give a shit in regards to my mental and physical state and not a single person in the medical profession. Yes they've all officially given up. More on that to come if I can give them my precious little remaining neurons. Cough *wankers* Cough.
 There are things that I’ve wanted to talk about that I didn’t think warranted their own video and this may be the perfect place because I can just pop it in a blog post.

  I’m not saying you won't ever see another video from me again, I'm trying to be practical and find a solution as I love talking to you and trying to help people and talking about the things that people don’t talk about and educating people about the things that people need educating on, it means a lot to me.

 I’d really like to write about the random things that aren’t necessarily mental health based things that make up part of who I am the things that I enjoy the things that you might or might not find interesting, I don't know yet I'm just seeing how this goes.....

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1 comment :

  1. Hey girl! Happy I found your blog, I've followed you since your insta days! I hope you're doing well!