Monday, 16 November 2015

Taking back power from a bully- #antibullyingweek

This week is National anti bullying week and as I'm sure you're all aware this is something close to my heart. I will be uploading not 1 not 2 but 3 posts this week, today, Wednesday and Friday so I hope you enjoy reading! Also feel free to check out the video I made last year on this topic here
I've been called many derogatory things in my life, I don't need to go into all of it here, I'd say the worst in regards to my appearance is the constant insistence from strangers that I look like a man, whether it be drunken people, people on social media, people from school, little children or a gang of chavs in Primark, it's been a consistent theme throughout my life and something which I struggle to deal with on a daily basis. However it's not the point of this post....
Fuck me sideways charlotte is writing a positive post?!?!

When I was making the album of which we never mention as it makes me feel sick to my stomach, about a year into it, thousands of pounds already wasted paid, all the songs (19 at the time I was to go on to write a further 3) already demoed but it was as yet untitled and didn't have a title track. I've always loved the blues and love Muddy waters and his song Mannish Boy which is an answer to Bo Diddlys I'm a man. One day in the studio I was messing around and started singing my own version....
"Long blond hair big blue eyes
Perfect skin tiny feet 16 inch thighs..."
It did literally start off as a piss take, I sang a version as Mary Poppins, a version as oliver twist, a cockney, but I then went home and wrote it out properly, recorded a rough demo and after much searching we found a local band who did muddy waters blues style music and loved the idea of doing a kind of answer to an answer. They loved the idea of freedom to do what they wanted, we had no click track, and recorded it live (I redid the vocal after) and it was the quickest recording on the album, in and out in half an hour.
It's a piss take on the idea of perfection, how I would never be anywhere near that idea but just because I'm not societies idea of perfect that didn't give someone the right to shout out in the middle of Tescos that I look like a horse. And I got to swear. a lot. Always the sign of a good song. The idea of it being called Gypsy, as I've explained before on my channel, is it was something that someone once called me to insult me. It was a guy, I'd turned him down and he started calling me a gypsy slag whenever he saw me as I had long black hair at the time and wore big hoop earrings.... So I took away the power from the bully with this song.... Using the bridge.

"Call me what you like there’s nothing I haven’t heard
I was told long ago it's what I deserve
Head on I’ll face it throw some more at me
Shithead slugs alien horse (all names I've been called)
I’m cool being gypsy"

I'm not saying that it is ever ok what a bully says to you. But I, more than anyone, know what scars can be formed from bullying and I wanted to write a song with a 'fuck you' kind of attitude, to show that there are ways to take back power from the bullies. Letting them dictate our self esteem, confidence, happiness even years later is wrong. And most importantly a message to the bullies that what may just be a bit of fun, name calling,something long forgotten to you, is something that may cause severe trauma to someone else. I know for a fact the guy who called me a gypsy slag would have no idea the effect he had on me, and to be fair the words didn't bother me at all it was his actions and the fact that he was being so disgusting towards me and humiliating me in public that upset me. And yes it was a drop in the ocean in the grand scheme of things, he was nothing compared to half the shit I've been through. But it was the meaning of it. The song Gypsy represents a big fuck you to every single person who has ever criticised the way I looked. I wanted people to listen to it, think about the meaning of it and own their so called imperfections. When someone bullies you about something whether it be physical or not, it makes you feel wrong, bad, guilty, disgusted and ashamed. I was bullied consistently about the way I looked and whilst that is something I'll never accept, starting small find a way to take back the power, don't let any bully win. Listen to the words and apply it to a situation you may be in or have been in. NOBODY deserves to feel that they're not ok. NOBODY deserves to feel threatened, to not feel safe, to feel violated, to feel unworthy. NOBODY deserves to cry because of who they are... unless you're a fucktard/murderer/bully/exbf, in which case sob away.

Ladies and Gentlemen... may I introduce you to Gypsy 

(so that's what they call perfection)
Long blond hair big blue eyes, 
Perfect skin tiny feet 16 inch thighs.
It’s not ok to draw attention to my every flaw,
Trust me you can’t make me hate myself even more.
I’m not like and I will never be,
All the girls you see on the cover of magazines.
Call me what you like there’s nothing I haven’t heard,
I was told long ago it's what I deserve.
Head on I’ll face it throw some more at me,
Shithead, slugs, alien, horse.
But I’m cool being a gypsy.

Sometimes I might wear baggy jeans
Or stay undone all day.
I didn’t choose my big hands or freaky face,
But I'm rocking it my way.
I’m not like and I will never be,
The girl that guys want to fuck and girls want to be.
Call me what you like there’s nothing I haven’t heard,
I was told long ago it's what I deserve.
Head on I’ll face it throw some more at me,
Shithead, slugs, alien, horse,
I’m cool being a gypsy.

Yeah I’ll be a gypsy if that’s what you wanna call me
Now I’m all grown up,
I do all I can.
To make myself pretty so people don't shout.
is that a woman, 
is that a woman
is that a woman or a mannnnnnnnnnn.
 I like to imagine if I had made a music video to this it I would make an entrance kinda like this, you know mans shirt, sunglasses and make a complete twat of myself.
Thank you for reading and don't forget to subscribe and get the latest posts by email if you want to keep updated, but even if you do subscribe by email make sure you read the posts online so you can see all the pictures in their full technicolor glory:)

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