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Wednesday, 9 March 2016

Conflicted


The things that make me happy, make me very very happy, the things that make me sad make me want to bleed myself dry.
The bad things, bad thoughts,I want to keep far away from the good for fear of poisoning them. 
The moments of darkness, hit me hard, bring me down into a depth that scares me, as soon as I feel the thoughts coming i want to bang my head, punch myself to stop them from coming, from seeping out of my brain into the real world where they might touch my happiness, take it away.
I feel angry when people make me sad bring me to the darkness. I've waited so long to feel happiness. I feel pissed that when they drag me back down, I want to hurt myself to show them how much they hurt me. Not that they'd ever see it or if they did I don't think it bothers them, mind. Some of my pain is hidden some of my pain is very external, either way it seems to make no difference. Nobodies ever given a flying fuck. Angry maybe, sad or regretful  at the fact that it's their fault I'm in this much pain? No not a chance.

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